Love Potions

This article addresses some of the common relationship issues which come up in our counseling service, and describes the crystals and flower essences which can heal them.

I have deliberately exaggerated the personality attributes described here. In diluted form, they may describe your spouse, partner, or child. They may describe you.

If they do describe someone you love, don't slip the appropriate remedy into their drink or insist that they take it. (If you're tempted to, pay special attention to the descriptions of Chicory and Vine.) You may want to leave a copy of this newsletter where they might find it. (I don't recommend recommend underlining sections or emphasizing them with exclamation points.)

Sometimes if we search deeply we find that the unlovable qualities of someone we're close to mirror aspects of ourselves. While this isn't always a happy discovery it can be enlightening.

I Love Him/Her,But . . .
The Flaws in the Beloved Which Keep Life and Love From Being Perfect

Any room she's in turns into a disaster area leaves a mess; he always has to tell the same stories over and over again; she never says she loves you unless you say it first. Some people have small but numerous flaws; others have a few enormous ones. If you had one wish you'd redesign them.

Such people annoy you because they don't listen (and you sometimes suspect that they go out of their way to do the things they know annoy you). They reflect badly on you. You imagine other people thinking, "What does she see in this guy who slurps his soup?" or "Who raised that savage?"

The flower essences which describe the emotional underpinnings of one's reaction to imperfect others include Impatiens, Crab Apple, and Beech.

Here's how Impatiens speaks:

"How can it take anyone an hour to make their bed?"

"If you don't finish that I'm going to scream."

"Oh, give it to me, I'll do it myself; at least it'll get done right for once."

On the positive side, Impatiens people are unusually quick at understanding concepts and highly self-directed. With the help of the flower remedy they develop the patience which enables them to put these gifts at the service of others.

Crab Apple people are perfectionists; they experience actual pain if something isn't done right, and have a deep aversion to dirt and uncleanliness. When they complain about something, they frequently use the words "disgusted" and "revolted."

They tend to be more sensitive and vulnerable than others, and can be more disgusted by their own seeming imperfections than by those of others. The remedy can help them realize that they can change how they feel about themselves, and thus about the imperfections of external reality.

Beech is judgment looking for a target, and this often involves projecting self-judgment onto a helpless population. On a deeper level this attitude avoids intimacy; when we're judging we separate ourselves from another; we resist surrender to the feeling of oneness which enriches both individual and universal love.

The Beech remedy can help to transform judgment into a discernment with which one lovingly aids others.

Rhodonite relates very nicely to Impatiens and Beech. Its function is to ground love. Just as the earth graciously receives the tempest of storms, wind, and sun, so Rhodonite roots love in tolerance and patience. If you find yourself losing both, or if you know that you're going into a situation which calls for extra measures, wear or carry rhodonite, and rub the stone if you feel your temper kindling.

Green calcite relates to Crab Apple. Its appearance alone has a purifying energy, and it is often used to dissolve rigid ways of thinking and behaving. On that basis it could also be handy in Beech situations.

Chain, Chain, Chain

"It's been two years, but I'll never forget him; I'll never be able to let go of him. I know that in many ways it was a terrible relationship, and I should have been glad when he walked out, but he was my soul mate. Someone like that only comes along once in a lifetime. I'll never love again."

This person needs Bleeding Heart, an aptly named remedy. In some ways the Bleeding Heart response is the other side of Beech; the person is all too willing to overlook the deepest flaws of the beloved and to surrender his/her identity to that person. This act is co-dependency, not the respectful and appreciative merging of two equals.

Using this flower remedy helps us to nourish our inner sense of self-love, so that we no longer need to hold on to the memory of someone who's gone, and so that our search for a beloved is based on strength, not the need to find a person who will make up for what we feel we lack.

Onyx is a good counterpart to Bleeding Heart. It has been said that in India it was commonly worn to cool the ardors of love. If we translate this into attachments which may verge on obsession, we discover onyx's value in such situations. As a grounding stone, it can help to bring us into contact with the realities of our own lives.

Love, Never Leave Me

The Chicory state is often described as the "needy mother," but it can actually occur in people of all ages and both sexes. It can be characterized by parents who need frequent visits from their children, by conditional love ("I'll do this for you if you do that for me," or "Look at how much you've done for me; you owe me."). Chicory people, though not driven by the need for perfection of Crab Apple, can usually find room for improvement in those they love.

Although Chicory, like the other conditions described here, may be chronic, it may also be a temporary rough spot. Rare is the human who's never thought, "After all I did for her" or who never itched to give unsolicited advice. Such a state, whether temporary or chronic, usually occurs when someone isn't connected with themselves as the source of love. It's an emptiness which seeks to fill itself with the attention of other people, and the remedy Chicory works to dissolve this need.

Rose quartz is the ideal counterpart to Chicory, having the same ability to create within us our inner source of nurturance. If you want to meditate with this stone you can place it on your heart, a practice we find especially powerful if you also use the Star of David layout (see below) . Wearing rose quartz when you're going through a spell of not loving yourself is also very helpful.

You Do It My Way

The chronic Vine condition isn't commonly found among people who are developing their spirituality, but a temporary Vine condition can occur in any of us„especially when conflict arises in our most intimate relationships. Think of Vine when you're arguing with someone you love and are sure that you're right and they're wrong, or if you're certain that you know how to raise your children, regardless of their opinions on the matter.

When corrected by the remedy, the Vine condition transforms into a truly admirable personality, one whose leadership qualities are oriented towards guidance and teaching others how to lead as well.

Since Vine involves abuse of personal power I find that citrine is the most appropriate counterpart. This golden stone relates to correction of all imbalances regarding the use of personal power, and could as well be recommended for someone who is afraid to assert him/herself. As such, it is equally valuable for the next condition I describe.

The Cinderella Complex

Centuary is in many ways Vine's opposite. In this condition people seem to have no will of their own. Centaury is the mother who will do anything for her children (without Chicory's demand for a payback) or the meek spouse who lives to serve a husband/wife.

One of the difficulties in transforming the negative Centuary state is that everyone likes and often admires them for their seeming egolessness. What the Centaury person has lost, though, is the ability to explore and express their unique purpose in being. After taking the Centaury flower remedy, they will still probably be drawn to service to others, but won't lose themselves on the journey.

In addition to citrine, an ideal stone for the Centaury condition is aqua aura, a stone whose purpose is self-expression in the service of others.

"I've Fallen in Love with the Same Person
Twenty-Five Times"

You don't know why it happens, but you always seem to end up with the same kind of person. You don't go out looking for them, and in the beginning they don't seem to resemble each other at all; it's only when the troubles start that you know you've seen this movie before„and you know how it will end.

Some people always end up with alcoholics, others with people whose mothers hated them. Some people who want nothing more than to settle down and raise a family fall in love with would-be globe trotters. Though in each case there may be other flower essences indicated, the one which generally describes this condition is Chestnut Bud.

Though Chestnut Bud behavior seems impulsive, it is the impulse of the ego or will, rather than the spontaneous intuition of the deeper soul. In the Chestnut Bud state one rarely pauses to listen for inner messages, and this remedy opens up that channel, allows the individual to slow down a little, to consider prospective actions, to learn from mistakes.

The companion crystal for this condition is clear quartz, "the mirror of the soul." Holding, gazing at, and meditating with clear quartz (either a point or a cluster) can help to bring us into contact with our deeper purpose in life.

I particularly recommend placing six points (of any size) at the head, feet, hips, and shoulders in the Star of David layout. Meditating within this layout creates the balance between ego and soul which can bring clarity to the events of one's life.

Love, Oh, Jealous Love

If your reading has left you not sure which you need, or you think you need all of them, Holly is your choice, for it will help you to sort things out and choose your emotional priorities.

This isn't the only reason I've included Holly among the love remedies, though. It addresses one of the most common issues of love, the fear of losing the beloved. We may call it insecurity or in its active form, jealousy.

In its more pronounced form it occurs in people who are cut off from the recognition that they are the source of love. While this syndrome is in some ways similar to Chicory, the response to romantic love differs. Whereas Chicory will become possessive and controlling, Holly entertains morbid fantasies of losing the beloved which rapidly materialize into jealousy„which if expressed often enough, may result in the realization of their fears.

To a lesser degree all of us may experience some amount of jealousy, especially when a relationship is new and untried. Love is such a powerful and healing emotion that that it tends to bring to the surface all of the blockages and resistance which we need to dissolve in order to fully experience it. Holly's purpose is to assist us in that cleansing.

Dr. Bach said, "Holly protects us from everything that is not Universal Love. Holly opens the heart and unites us with Divine Love."

Rose quartz, recommended as a companion for Chicory, also relates to Holly in terms of the need to feel oneself as the source of love. Sugilite, a stone which we recommend for the healing of both jealousy and resentment, is particularly suited to the Holly condition.

Our email course, Your Journey of Love, provides comprehensive information, exercises, assignments, and detailed descriptions of related crystals and essences.
Read More About This Course.

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