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To Have and to Hold

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This is the ideal month to evaluate our relationships. It can mean understanding what we can do to attract a special partnership and looking at our current relationships to see how we can bring more joy into them. It can mean casting a fearless eye on all of our relationships and resolving to heal any wounds.

Love Is Truth

I believe that honesty is the medium in which love best thrives. This doesn't have to mean running right out and telling everyone with whom you're in relationships all the grievances you've thoughtfully kept to yourself. It does mean thinking about those grievances.

You might also want to make a list of them. A typical grievance collection might read:

I get annoyed at my best friend because she's irresponsible about getting back to me on the phone, and she's always late for our dates.

My mother infuriates me because she always feels sorry for herself. I could live without hearing her whining and complaining.

My boss annoys me because he always has to talk about himself. He never listens to anyone else.

If my lover tells me one more thing he's afraid of, if he gives me one more reason why it's too traumatic for him to even consider making a change in his life I'm going to murder him.

Mirror Images

When you've completed your list you may find that you have some of the annoying qualities which bother you about other people. You may sometimes feel sorry for yourself; you might even occasionally whine or complain (if only to yourself, or only about the things everyone complains about, like government, weather, or food additives). You have been known to ignore phone messages, and sometimes you hear yourself talking about guess-who.

To realize that we have--even in minute quantities--the characteristics we so dislike in others is to see the reflective side of the mirror. Such recognitions teach us that even the most annoying people serve a purpose in our lives: to help us understand that the qualities we don't like in ourselves are virtually guaranteed to manifest in the outer world. If we need to learn, for example, lessons about our own patterns of lateness we will materialize them in the form of tardy people, and we will keep on creating lessons until we learn them. (And it may be that if we don't learn them in this life the lessons will thoughtfully show up in another one.)

This happens because we come into our present lives determined to take advantage of all the opportunities physical existence offers to experience and learn. The more we experience the more we get to learn, and the more we learn the more rewarding our experiences become.

The Dark Side of the Mirror

But what about the vexing traits you've written down which represent behavior in which you would never, NEVER engage? For example, you may sometimes be afraid of the possible consequences of an action you're contemplating, but you know that things are far less frightening in actuality than they are in imagination, and you forge right ahead.

You wish other people would stop worrying and get on with life. Don't they realize the energy they use up when they're constantly hesitating; don't they know that this kind of behavior damages their self-esteem? Don't they get that their self-defeating attitudes drain other people's energy? It's hard enough to be brave and take risks; when the people in your life are spreading fear vibrations they're contagious. If you give up some day and succumb to despair, it's all their fault.

When our inner dialogues sound like this, when we feel that other people's beliefs and behavior threaten our own efforts to be strong about our beliefs and behavior, we are resisting an aspect of our own identities that wants to believe and act the way they do. We're all familiar with the stories of moralistic evangelists whose private lives are the opposite of their public proclamations. Unlike us, they've lost the battle to keep these characteristics under wraps.

All of Me

The best way to win the battle is to surrender. That doesn't mean that we have to give in to fear or complaining, or begin to insist that others make our decisions for us. It means to acknowledge that those people whose behavior is the opposite of ours may also have some lessons to teach us. It means the realization that true self-acceptance and self-love is accepting and loving all of ourselves--not just those aspects of self that we've decided can stand to see the light of day.

When we can do that something miraculous begins to happen. All the energy that's been used to suppress our undesirable and secret selves becomes available for renewed vitality and creativity. When we like ourselves we like life.

We also discover that we like other people more. We may not reach the point at which their habits are merely endearing idiosyncrasies, but we find that, as we allow ourselves more space in which to be, we extend the same kindness to others.

That may not yet be love, but it puts us on love's path, and once our feet begin walking--whether we're looking for new relationships or the transformation of existing ones--they and our hearts will lead us to love's fulfillment.

The Colors of Love

Rose quartz is the crystal for loving ourselves. When worn or used in meditation it helps us to go deep within to heal the heart's wounds and to radiate the warmth of love and appreciation for all that we are.

Another essential stone is rhodonite. The keyword for this stone is patience, for ourselves and for others. Patience is the nurturing soil which allows love to grow.

The adventurous may want to work with obsidian, in order to discover hidden aspects of sulfide, and we can all benefit from the illumination of clear quartz.

A quartz cluster, in which differently-sized and shaped crystals live in harmony, can remind us not only that we're capable of living in harmony with others, but also with the various aspects of ourselves.

Love Flowers

Being overcritical of others usually means that our deepest criticisms are reserved for ourselves. Beech (Bach) helps us to see and accept the dark side of the mirror.

Goldenrod (FES) helps us when we know we don't like ourselves very much and act in a way which is designed to gain social approval. This flower essence helps us to be true to ourselves.

Holly (Bach) is the floral counterpart of rose quartz. It teaches us to dissolve the barriers of self-dislike and dislike for others, and renews us with a self-love which becomes inclusive of others.

Rhodonite's flower counterpart is Impatiens. It helps us not only to appreciate people who may not be as meticulous, careful, and productive as we are, but teaches us to slow down and enjoy the moment.

You can read about rhodonite, obsidian, quartz, and rose quartz in our Crystal Descriptions section. You can find more information about Holly and Impatiens in our Flower Essences Descriptions section.

A Web of Love

Several years ago, when my son had a very serious accident, I got on the phone to all of my Reiki II students and asked them to send distant healing to him. The Reiki helped to take him out of excruciating pain, and I was very grateful to the many generous and loving people who helped.

Since I've been online I've seen and participated in countless such acts of generosity and love. I've received tremendous encouragement for Beyond the Rainbow, and healing energy when I wasn't feeling well, either physically or emotionally. I've sent healing energy to people all over the world, some of whom I knew, many of whom I did not.

The beauty of this global connections - besides the opportunity I'm given to share healing on many level - is that I am gratefully aware, as never before, of how many great-hearted and loving people there are in the world.

And you, dear readers, are among them. May all your dreams of love and happiness come true.

Our email course, Your Journey of Love, provides comprehensive information, exercises, assignments, and detailed descriptions of related crystals and essences.
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