In September, 2004, I was supposed to give an online Bach Flower Remedies course. Two days before the class date, I only had one registrant.
At this point, I could have acted like a hard-working teacher, sending out last-minute reminders to interested students. However, I was realizing the persistence of a belief that how hard I worked determined how good and worthy a person I was. Somehow self-esteem had gotten entangled with exhaustion. If my body was tired or my brain fried, I'd had a productive day. If If I never had time to everything that needed to be done, I was doing the right thing. If I made every detail happen, I was being conscientious and a good, worthy person.
I was getting tired of this, and that made me receptive to a message I seemed to read or hear in every spiritual message that came to my attention. This was: Let the universe handle it.
Two ideas deepened my receptivity:
So I told myself to let go and see what happens.
The next day two more students registered. On the day of the class, two hours before it was to begin, a fourth student registered.
I got the strong sense that I could let the universe also be in charge of how the class ran. At its beginning, I told the students the sequence of events and said I expected great things to happen during the month we'd be together. They were excited.
After everyone had stated the intention she wanted to realize through taking the course, I noticed a common theme of wanting to trust. That fit in perfectly with how the class had come together, and I suggested that we adopt a common intention about letting the universe handle as many things as we could bear to release. Everyone agreed.
I was frantic about the hibernating computer, in part because I'd had an experience with the slow death of a previous computer. It had been eventually restored to life, but I hadn't been happy with the speed of the repair people.
This time, I asked the universe to provide a professional and speedy repair service. The universe provided an Apple store in Albany, NY. I went there the Monday after the first class. The technician was helpful and talented. Though the problem went beyond a quick fix, I felt confident that the universe could handle it. (Apple hasn't paid me to say this, although they are welcome to.)
That was a good day. I felt happy and confident that from now I could give the universe my requests and all would be well. The next morning, however, I woke up feeling anxious about things that had to be done. I made phone calls, worried, obsessed, cursed. Guess how well those things went.
I reminded myself of occasions in the past month when I'd worried unnecessarily. All worry, I told myself, is unnecessary, because it only attracts what you don't want to happen.
Those who have studied patterns of eating claim that overeating is an attempt to bury painful emotions. I have concluded that worry, though it would seem to be a painful emotion, can be so familiar and well practiced that it can be used to push down more threatening emotions. Just as the person who's eating to smother emotion doesn't really taste their food, so the worrier may feel twinges of anxiety, but she knows that she's holding down much worse stuff: guilt, terror, depression, rage.
And how is one supposed to trust the universe if they can't trust themselves?
So a first step is to allow those feelings to be. If you're angry, you don't have to tell everyone you're angry at how you feel, but you can shout it into your pillow. She can type it into your journal (or write by hand; sometimes anger demands slashing letters and digging the pen deep into the paper).
Kept inside, any strong emotion is hurting you. If you allow it out, without guilt or fear, you will feel much better. By allowing yourself to feel what's there, you will gain deepened trust in yourself. This in turn will build a foundation to allow you to trust the universe.
I don't recommend immediately turning over the big things. Start with something small and not urgent (although we can make anything urgent.)
I'll use the example of a situation that may involve confrontation. Your electric or phone bill is incorrect; you have a problem with a co-worker or supervisor at work. You've got to tell your child for the zillionth time to clean her room. (Of course, lives have been threatened over that issue.)
Some people may be able to simply say, "OK, Universe, into your court." I find it valuable to visualize the desired outcome - if only to counter the negative outcome you may currently be visualizing.
In a confrontation phone call, for example: I had one involving a medical bill my health insurance company should have paid. In my negative scenario, I imagined the person answering the phone being incompetent and hostile and refusing my claim. I imagined struggle and lengthy correspondence.
I stopped right there, before I accumulated more mental props and decided to put off the call until I had a more positive stage setting and had my intention clear.
Shifting the scenery, I imagined a friendly, competent company representative who would immediately tell me there had been an error and that the problem would be handled by the insurance company. That's what happened.
As you have a few successes, increase the importance of the issues and the frequency of your allowing. Reach the point where you ask the universe to handle at least one thing a day, and go beyond that until the universe is handling almost everything.
Sometimes we get caught in the idea: It has to be done this way. Why? Because that's what we've learned, and it must be true. Green calcite helps to relax this kind of mental and/or emotional rigidity. The companion Bach Flower Remedy is Rock Water.
Sometimes we might wish for a little rigidity or at least some kind of solid mental ground. For high levels of mental/emotional confusion, sodalite can be very helpful. When one is going back and forth between different ideas, Scleranthus (Bach) can create a solid middle ground.
It's easy to say, "Go with the flow," less easy sometimes to feel the flow. A number of crystals can help with this. Aquamarine seems for many to have oceanic energies. All tourmalines have a flow to their energy, as do all forms of topaz.
I strongly recommend aligning with the water-based animals in the Wild Earth Animal Essences repertoire. Playful otter, joyous dolphin are two good examples. Choose the animal with whom you most identify.
Rhodochrosite is excellent for cyclical anxiety, and Chestnut Bud (Bach) helps when you get into a cycle of worrying without ever realizing that doesn't solve the problem.